The festive period can be loaded for some people, and for autistic folk, there is a whole extra level of complexity. Therefore, we thought it would be useful to write an ‘Autistic Christmas Survival Guide’ in order to support autistic people through navigating sensory overload and finding self-compassion during this time. There are so many things that can make this time of the year complex to deal with. The lack of routine, the extra socialising, the booze, the food smells and textures, seeing family members we don’t tend to see and the heightened emotions can be a lot. Even if you love it, Christmas can be a hard time for many of us. However, simply acknowledging how hard it feels can begin to ease things.
Navigating the Difficulties
All the frenzy in the run-up to Christmas, alongside the cognitive dissonance of being alive at this time of global unrest, being bombarded by a news feed filled with distress is already overwhelming enough.
Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum of emotional attunement (from being baffled and irritated by the emotional states of others, to picking up every floating feeling, even those people around you are unaware they are feeling), we all can undoubtedly be affected by the emotional ‘weather’ around us during these days. It is a lot for everyone, but for many autistics, a state of overwhelm is the norm. Allow yourself extra time and space to process busy times and try to minimise demands. Be as intentional as possible about what and who you let in.
Less is More
One of the biggest shifts for me, when I first discovered I was autistic, was realising just how little social I needed to thrive. My ADHD side had me thinking of myself as a social butterfly and seeking validation from people. However, my uncared-for autistic side had barely begun to process previous interactions before I had hurled myself into the next.
When it comes to socialising during this period, it may be that it lights you up, or it may plain fill you with dread which is perfectly okay either way. Even if the social stuff is enjoyable, it takes a lot of resources for us autistic folk. Build in plenty of restorative time, ideally by yourself, both before and after. If there is something that is making you anxious, investigate it:
- Can you identify what the trigger(s) is/are?
- Can these be tweaked to minimise the trigger point(s)?
- In moments of heightened anxiety or sensory overload, what coping mechanisms have proven effective for you in the past?
- Would it be helpful to plan and communicate your needs in advance to create a more supportive environment?
- Do you need a clear exit strategy?
- Etc.
Sometimes, social expectations can feel like rules that we have to follow. Remember that the world is not built for us and go ahead and swerve any obligations that will drain the tank.
Energy Accounting
This is huge! In the autistic community, there is a lot of talk about ‘spoons’ as units of energy. Personally, I prefer Luke Beardon’s concept of matches. I like the idea of burning them up, and the element of danger if you use them on something that is too flammable – you can use the whole box if you’re not careful, which usually leads to autistic burnout.
Your energy is precious. Sit down and have an honest think about what fills you up and what depletes you. Do more of the former, less of the latter. This is personal to you – try to identify and banish the unhelpful comparisons with others. We autistics often have great difficulty tuning into our own feelings and very often our ‘locus of evaluation’ is external. It is a big, but fruitful task to shift it to internal. Take the time to think through, and feel into, what brings anxiety and what brings comfort. Then honour that and lean into comfort and relief as much as humanly possible!
Honour Your Sensory Needs
The festive period holds a lot of sensory pleasure as well for many of us, and this can provide a great top-up. Autistic people often receive a lot more sensory input, and this can be glorious. Revel in the glory. Of course, it can also be overwhelming, unpleasant, and even painful. Protect yourself from harm. Ideally, carry a kit – something lovely to smell, something tactile to hold, something to chew. Sometimes having loop earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones and a hoodie make the difference between hell and heaven. Or at least hell and bearable!
Reframe Situations
Wherever you are on your autism journey, inevitably, you will have internalised a lot of negativity about your ‘traits’. How stress affects us on a physiological level is different depending on how we perceive it mentally. Give yourself permission to just be and try to notice any negative or critical self-talk. Be real about your needs and honour them as much as you can. This time of year, even more than normal, there are an awful lot of ‘shoulds’ screeching at us like harpies. Try to notice where they crop up and get interested in where they come from and whether they serve you. It is more than ok to break with tradition and find what works for you, as an ND individual, or family unit.
If Your Family Pushes ‘Your Buttons’
If you are spending time with extended family, it is highly likely that it will be tough. Autism is epigenetic. Maybe you have delved into ‘trait spotting’ along your bloodline. Or maybe you feel like you are treated as the only ‘black sheep’. There will inevitably be intergenerational trauma, even if nothing concretely ‘traumatic’ has occurred (though, very often there will be that, too). There will be many people who are undiagnosed autistic, struggling to know how to be a human in the world. Oftentimes, these are the people who are the least accepting of any outward sign or whiff of the ‘ism’. Do what you need to get through with the minimum amount of residue. Think it through beforehand and decide your parameters and boundaries, maybe have a distraction up your sleeve or an activity that everyone can focus on. Board games save lives. Remember those matches, use them wisely!
If you are a parent of autistic kids, they will be ramped up and need you to help them regulate. It is vital that you prioritise your own needs as much as you possibly can so that when you have to, you can also prioritise theirs. I find it helpful to conceptualise things in terms of conflicting needs (sensory or otherwise). Very often, different people’s neurodivergent needs are in direct conflict and what feels like an attack, or meanness, is rather just a clash of needs. This reframe can turn down the emotional heat and help keep everyone regulated, or able to return to feeling regulated more quickly.
Maybe you are not with family, maybe estranged or orphaned or far and it pains you to think of all the happy family units. Remember that for most of us, what looks like jolly togetherness is actually a brewing migraine.
Conclusion
As the festive season approaches, preparing for Christmas as an autistic individual introduces unique challenges, from the upheaval of routines to heightened sensory experiences. Acknowledging the complexities is the first step toward easing the strain. Navigating the demands of social interactions, managing energy reserves wisely, and honouring sensory needs become crucial practices. Embracing the mantra of “less is more” and reframing negative narratives around autistic traits empower us autistic individuals to prioritise self-care. Setting clear boundaries in family dynamics and understanding conflicting neurodivergent needs can alleviate tension. Whether spending the holidays with loved ones or at a distance, going steady and practising self-compassion is essential, recognising that this season, too, shall pass.
Whatever the holiday season holds for you, go steady. Try to be extra kind and extra gentle with your gorgeous, complex selves and remember that this too shall pass!
